Confessions...

So, I've totally been contemplating whether or not to own up to my defeat. My abstinence from chocolate lasted exactly 26 days. Chris decided to make these gorgeous, yes, gorgeous, not delicious, brownies (I'll explain more later). They were a chocolate cheesecake type, thick, gooey, covered in chocolate chips. They were just picture perfect. Chris had warned me for days that he was going to make them and could I handle it. I assured him that I could. I really thought I had it in me. He had made brownies previously and I hadn't succumbed, surely I was ready. So the brownies were made and there they sat to cool, the whole 11x15 pan of them, right smack dab in the middle of the kitchen. They smelled great, they looked great and worst of all, Chris took off to a BYU game and left them just sitting there!!! I did good for a few hours and then I just couldn't take it anymore. I had one. It was just going to be one, just a taste, exercise self control. But no. The worst part is, that as beautiful as they were, they didn't taste all that great. Not that they weren't, but they didn't hit the ole chocolate spot that I had expected. I was sooo disappointed. So logic would dictate that since it wasn't as good as expected it would be easy to just hop right back on the bandwagon right? Wrong. I ate so many of those stinkin' brownies I hate myself. Then, we went to a ward dinner and I wasn't going to have dessert, but I figured I already blew it, why not just have a cookie...my favorite, chocolate chip. So I did. Then the next day was Cole's blessing. Again, I thought, new day, new chance, no dessert. I did pretty good, I had the delicious applesauce cake but by the end I had a chocolate chip cookie. So all week I totally struggled and it was sooo easy to keep cheating. I came to the realization that this whole experience hasn't really been about giving up chocolate so much as it was doing something EXTREMELY hard. I wanted to prove to myself that I could really set a tough goal and actually stick to it. And, I blew it. That was the worse part of it. The total feeling of failure. Chris says I shouldn't be so hard on myself, that I did make it 26 days which is a miracle. But I can't shake the guilty feelings of failure that surround me. I just feel like such a failure. I know its just a silly little goal with no real far-reaching consequences, but if I can't do the little things, how can I tackle the big things. Really, this whole situation is just a type and a shadow of the rest of my life. Probably more of an eye-opener that I had planned for. But, life goes on. Tomorrow is a new day and I am going to start over. Forge ahead and try it again, this time with maybe a little more realistic expectations..whatever that means! :0)